how to stop nagging 


HOW TO STOP NAGGING (IT'S Killing Your Success)

Article by Success Coach Gina,

Peak Performance Trainer & Intuitive Mentor for Business Owners 


Have you ever noticed that when you spend enough time somewhere, you take on the characteristics of that environment and "become" it?

In the same way we take on an accent when we visit a foreign country, we literally become the environments we spend time in. Our cells absorb energy from it, then we carry it around, all day, every day - until it's a part of us!

We hardly realize it's happening, sometimes not at all - yet it affects how we think, feel, and behave - which has a direct impact on how much money our businesses generate.

In the same way, if you find yourself nagging, what you are becoming is anything but fun, free, light, and magnetic to every experience you desire in life.

That's how success is meant to feel, right?

Nagging feels the opposite. It makes you feel heavy, trapped, and like the buzz kill of a party  drowning in horrible shame.

Let's dive deep to understand and lick this nagging habit for good then . . . 

1. Nagging gets you caught in an energy storm that only has one direction: down. You feel down, and continuing this nagging habit will just bring you further down. So what can you do? First, assess the strength of the momentum in your nagging habit. If it hasn't been going on long, you can stop it, quickly, by understanding why it's happening, and how to reverse it. 

If it's gone on for a while, and therefore has strong momentum, observe what's happening while you study it, without focusing on "the problem" aspect of it for longer than a few seconds (which will only feed it and make that pattern stronger). Just watch, and switch your focus to what you want to be happening, like feeling harmony with your spouse, for example.

The good news about energy storms, is that there is *always* a way out, and when you pay attention to underlying pattern, and hold a continuous intention to live a nag-free life, you'll stay out. For good.

2. You're nagging for a good reason. Yes, continuing down this nagging track is killing your relationship and your success, but make no mistake: there's a reason you're doing this - and from your subconscious mind's perspective, it's a good one.

All human behaviour serves a purpose, so apply compassion to yourself, pronto and stop giving weight to how the rest of the world swims in the shallow end, mindlessly giving nags a bad rep, because here's the truth: there's always a reason for every behaviour. Only when we stop judging ourselves for it, can we get to the core, where real change can happen. 

One example of a good reason for nagging, is that your romantic partner is not keeping up with responsibilities that affect both your livelihoods. Like paying his share of the rent/mortgage, or driving recklessly. The core of nagging in this case, is an attempt to stop the danger from happening. You're actually trying to keep your family safe, and protect them from harm, not annoy and destroy them!

Now that you know that the root cause needs uncovering before you can change the behaviour itself, ask yourself what the cause is of your nagging. What lies beneath it, for you, specifically?

3. Fear is the culprit behind nagging. Like most destructive habits, fear - sometimes deep terror, lies beneath. Fear of what will happen if you give up control, fear of being controlled by another, fear of getting too close (to the person you're nagging), fear of succeeding if things get too good (aka nag-free). These fears always fall into two categories: real or imagined.

For example, if you don't remind your husband of what he needs to do, and stay on him until it gets done, you fear he will never do it. An example of an "imagined" fear is your husband never giving you actual reason to believe that he will never do it. The fear exists in your imagination alone.

A "real fear" example would be something that happened to me: I once almost got evicted because of a boyfriend, who did not pay any of his portion of the bills, and had too much stuff strewn about our property (barbeques, trailers, trucks) that violated the town's bylaws where we lived. City officials had visited him reporting neighbour complaints for two years. We received letters, our landlord expressed concern and possible eviction warnings, yet still he did nothing. Nagging a boyfriend in this situation is based in "real" fear, because there's concrete evidence that the thing you're fearing may actually occur - but you still want to eliminate the nagging habit. "Real" does not mean its helpful to you or your success! Fear can be an activator to move you into a better-feeling place, but it's never the end goal or solution place you want to land permanently.

4. Projection is human. Projection is when you find yourself proclaiming that all of your own challenges are someone else's. You "project" what is yours onto another human being, and in that way pin them (or blame them) on someone else. "They're doing this" and "they're doing that" is what you proclaim, when really you're the one doing it yourself. Maybe it's you avoiding responsibility and feeling nervous about it, so you're freaking out accusing him of doing it instead? Or maybe you can't see yourself clearly, because this issue of yours is sitting right in your self-awareness blind spot, so you're confused and desperately looking for a way to figure out what's happening to you/your relationship/your life?

This is part of being human. Forgive yourself, because we all do it. In fact, relationships are at a basic level meant to help us see ourselves so we can grow and shift and expand energetically as we wish to, to make all of our deeply-desired successes reality. Don't shame yourself, see it for what it is. We live in a benevolent universe, don't ever forget that. (Seriously. Don't ever forget it!)

5. Nagging is a signal that it's time to let go.  Whether you're letting go of the habit, or the relationship you can't stop doing nagging in, this can be REALLY HARD.

I certainly received slack from my mother and a few of my oldest friends, who claimed: you gotta hold his hand, you gotta do it for him, when I dated the man who nearly had me evicted from my home.

Yes, of course, we are partners and working together means helping one another with each of our not-so-strong areas .... but rent? essentials? repetitive survival threats? None of us should ever be forced to live under that kind of duress. So it's always time to draw the line and let go of a relationship if your basic survival is threatened in it.

Another clear time to let go, is when he tells you to stop nagging him, then uses your nagging to shut you down. The nag always gets bad press with him, right? Then you are left feeling ashamed, ...which *naturally* makes a person nag even more. Nagging in this scenario is result of someone not taking full responsibility for himself, his actions (inactions), and not being present in relationship. Don't let this manipulation and emotional neglect and abuse tactic win. Get out!

On the other hand, there's also a time to keep going, and just "let go" of our own nagging behaviour, and allow our loved ones to deal with their own lives.

This is when we go inward. Look at ourselves and realize that perhaps we could use some brushing up on our communication skills, so we can better ask for what we need, in a neutral, calm, loving tone. Or maybe we have a need to control, and hang on too tight, choking his energy and sense of freedom within the relationship. That maybe if we just let go, he will be forced to take care of it himself. Nagging behaviour can enable his avoidance of the very responsibility we are nagging him about, after all. So that instead of owning what he didn't do, for example, he can deflect it through blaming you for being such a complaining nag. This allows his behaviour to continue, and, if you let it, fuels your negative downfall into no-success land with even more engine fuel and fire.

Letting go all the way, and even watching the consequences of his behaviour sting and burn him a little may be necessary here (hard as it is!), because it is his life and his path. We love HIM/HER after all, and their behaviour or life circumstance, annoying as it may be to us, is separate from our unconditional love for them. We all have the right to room to grow, and feel loved as we do.

As a recovering nagger myself, I can guarantee that whether you choose to stay or go, it's time to leave nagging behind, Love.

Let your situation be. Practice acceptance, and continue to just BE YOU - the real you. Loving, fun, uplifting, a success magnet!

As you do, the energy take care of will, it always does.

Once you stop allowing your side of the nagging dance to drain your energy and block your success, you'll be able to invest your time and energy on things that really matter to you. The vision of success that you actually want to create. 

As you hold THAT frequency and create a success habit to replace nagging, people will then either rise up to meet you, or fall away out of your register so they don't even become a match for anything in your world.

It happens effortlessly when you allow it to  . . .

Every time.

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Gina Silvestri