No more apologizing for being “less than”


I wrote this to give you a voice, to hand you the baton of warm self compassion, confidence and other-worldly insight, and to speak the words for you, when you can’t.

So come on into these words. Have a seat, Girl! Feel the music in them, the love, the wisdom, the rhythm beneath the river in them, and speak them as your own.

Repeat after me, my Beautiful Sister, who has “been through it...”

I may have been through trauma, but the level of empathy and compassion I offer is rare. I know pain and when you tell me of yours I feel it and you as if it were my own, as if we are one (which, in another dimension, where I simultaneously live in, we actually ARE one being!)

I may have been through trauma, but the insight I have into the human condition, coupled with my particular brand of intelligence, creativity, diamond sharp and clear intuition, and warmth, is far from an every day occurrence in normal people land.

And YES, I am super sensitive at times, but so are you.

I’m also reactive, nervous, overly-cautious at times ... AND SO ARE YOU.

I just get more deeply embarrassed, more often than you do, about my very human qualities, because my armour isn’t as thick. It never was, but I’m working on that. Every day, I’m working on strengthening my shield, without sacrificing this beautiful, rare, sensitive heart I offer.

You know, there are Grammies and Emmy’s and Oscars for musical and dramatic talent, but what I want to know is where is the recognition for overcoming such deep levels of shame, programmed into certain humans from the day they were born, who are then given little (if any) support to move forward and figure out this life thing?

Where is the award for the heroic strength it takes to stave that shame off, which is not only internalized early on in life, but then conditioned and confirmed by society who automatically shames at first detection of anything or anyone “not normal”?

It takes Olympic strength to stop the tornado of self-sabotage minute to minute, of every day. To say”WAIT A MINUTE, I don’t need to beat myself up too. I don’t have to buy into this crap about me not being normal, not good enough, not up to par, not up to speed, not meeting standards set by the less sensitive ones.”

I can love myself exactly where I am right now, and learn to tell people who choose to continue such shame-based ways of living, and attempt to coat me with the toxicity they swim in - I can tell them NO. Back off. Say it differently, treat me differently, or I’m outta here, and I mean it.

I’ve spent a lifetime giving the less sensitive, so-called normal ones too much credit. Like they are freakin’ gods because they never tap into their vulnerability or show it to the world. Then I tried to mold myself to be more like them. Stick my beautiful square peg into a constricting, light-less, lifeless black hole...but not anymore.

No more.

Today I’m giving myself credit. Today I’m defining “being a good person” as being more sensitive, loving, compassionate, empathic. Today I define it as being more like me, instead of requiring myself to be more like Them.

I’m done with that!

Of course I’ll never stop growing and learning and connecting and continuing my commitment to others, but those others aren’t going to be people who can’t see my beauty, my radiance, my light, AT ONE GLANCE, as I do theirs. Not anymore.

Because they are not my people if they don’t. And I don’t owe anybody who are not my people, anything at all.

And I’ll tell you what: it’s time for those who are not my people to shape up, or ship out...because I’m shifting big time today. Right now, as you read this...

I’m letting go of all automatic impulses to follow the surface ones, and I’m commanding that THEY call themselves to more, or stay out of my energy and life.

I’m telling them:

Stop following the insensitive, de-sensitized, overly-media-ized herd and CALL YOURSELF TO MORE.

More compassion.

More sensitivity.

More courage.

More vulnerability.

More humility.

More true strength.

This is all I’m available for!

You do it...you do it yourself, I’m busy enough doing my own thing. This healing my trauma thing. This owning my gorgeous intuitive power thing. This giving my gifts to the world thing. This loving my people with everything I’ve got thing.

You do it.

You do it yourself.

‘Cause I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and that’s what matters.

You do you, I do me.

And if you ain’t got anything kind to say, or if you’re not meeting my guidelines for and definition of respectful, loving, nurturing, highly empathic, growth-inspiring interaction, then you do you OVER THERE. Out of my bubble and life.

There’s no more need for me to beat myself into a pulp (with self sabotage and horrible self talk playing from old programming) so I can pour it into moulds you’ve created and become what you want me to be.

I am me.

And I’m fucking incredible.

I matter, just as much as you or anyone else.

And I’m the one who “says so” from now on.

No more being this way or that way, just because you say so, and raise your voice or otherwise try to scare me as you do so.

That strategy no longer works. This ship has sailed on from those old patterns. My nervous system is strong and getting stronger, and you don’t want to poke the Mama Bear living inside me. ‘Cause she’s protecting me first now.

And you’re either getting on board with me, or swimming your own way, your own direction.

‘Cause this is what I’m saying.

THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR ME, in my neck of the woods.

And yes I’ve been through trauma.

And I’m GIFTED AF, partly because of it, partly because of natural gift and talent that has nothing to do with it.

And so it is.

Always remember who you are, Sister.

Because you are fabulous, I love you.




Gina Silvestri